Fortunately, AlbanyCentral has a valued staff member whose speciality is "surfing" the City website to find things that no one else can. And so we were indeed fortunate enough to be able to view all 171 submissions. While many of the entries had merit, others serve to illustrate the challenge facing the S&EJ Committee. Examples:
Mayberry By the Bay
We are all here because we are not all there
Schools Not Schizophrenics
On your way to somewhere else
Birthplace of Jurgen Czecherikizhovsky
1.7 Miles Of Block Party
Conscious Urban Unfoldment
(We cannot reveal our sources on the following rumor but it is said that the soon-to-be-selected Poet Laureate will be enlisted in this matter, and that he/she may have difficulty collecting his/her stipend if he/she fails to crank out a corking good motto that rhymes! )
AlbanyCentral is ever mindful of its role as a strong shoulder to the Albany Wheel, and accordingly we decided to pitch in and tap the intellect and creativity of average Albany citizens on the street to see if we could be of help in coming up with a motto that truly reflects the spirit and soul of our fair city. Unfortunately, the only reporter we had on hand at the time for this assignment was a chain smoker, so he could not talk to people on Solano Avenue. But he was able to get some good input from people on San Pablo, which we are proud to present here.
AC: Excuse me, sir. We are taking a little survey. What do you think would be a good motto for Albany.
Joe: Motto? Why do we even need one?
AC: Well, like when you see a sign saying, “Welcome to Albany, California”. What would go under that?
Joe: Oh I get it, you mean like “Salon Capital Of The World?”
AC: Well, I suppose so, but do you have another one?
Joe: No, I’ll think I’ll stick with that. I mean we have roughly 17,000 people in town and each one has 20 finger and toe nails. That’s 340,000 nails. One plenty big market, I’d say. And at 70/80 thousand hairs per head, I can’t even get my mind around that number. No, we sure as heck need our salons and they do a great job! Salon Capital of the World, that’s us in a nut shell!
AC: Hello Ma’am. What do you think would be a good motto for Albany?
Brenda: (Plucks dangling cigarette from reporter’s lip and throws it way. Mutters “disgusting”) That’s better! Well, let’s see now. I’d say green is our theme and we all need to change to those funny-looking piggly squiggly light bulbs. So I’d say the motto could be “Albany, California, Incandescent Light Bulb Free Zone Of The East Bay.” Not bad for right off the top of my head, eh?
AC: Hi young man. If the city asked you for a motto or slogan for it to use, what do you think would be a good one?
Jimmie: Oh that’s simple enough. You heard of the Bulb? I mean, freedom, man. You can do anything you want out there. No building permits, dogs are cool, and it don’t cost a dime. The best thing about Albany is you get to the Bulb from here and only from here--unless you have a boat. And who has a boat?
AC: So your motto would be?
Jimmie: Albany California, Gateway to the Bulb. That’s it, bro.
AC: Nice to see you Ma’am. As part of the City Centennial, it was thought that the City needed a new motto. What would you suggest?
Margie: No problem. The motto should be: Albany, California, Future Home Of A Spotted Owl.
AC: You mean the burrowing owl, don’t you?
Margie: O.K. Sonny, I been through this a thousand times with all those other numskulls, so I guess I can explain it one more time. (Mumbles, "hope you’re the last, though.") Anyway, you can go out there all day every day with your field glasses, telescopes, spotting scopes, night vision thingies, whatever, but until you actually spot an owl, that is, have a spotted owl for real, you ain’t got squat. At this point who cares what kind of owl it is? We’ll settle for anything: burrowing, spotted, hoot, whatever. But first we got to spot it, don’t we? And we ain’t spotted one yet. So you just run along now and go mitigate yourself somewhere else. And I ain’t signing no petition either.
Well, that’s a sample of what our reporter came up with, and AC considers these suggestions good additions to the submissions thus far. In closing, we ran across one other motto (overheard at the Hotsy Totsy) that we felt might have some merit:
ALBANY CALIFORNIA
WHERE PEOPLE THINK GREEN, LIVE CLEAN, AIN’T MEAN
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