While new to Albany, the Landers family is beginning to make its mark on the local scene. Sandra is currently spearheading the new tobacco chewing (secondhand smoke abatement) program, while Sanders recently presented his credentials to the Albany Arts Committee in an effort to win our city’s newly created Poet Laureate position. Sanders has been there before. Years ago after being crowned Cowboy Poet Of The Year in Cheyenne, Wyoming, he was subsequently appointed Poet Lariat of that fair city. But no such luck here, apparently. AlbanyCentral caught up with him as he received the news of his elimination by the Committee.
AC: Well, Professor Landers, you must be somewhat disappointed in the Committee’s decision.
Sanders: Just a minute, young man, I’m searching for a word. Ah yes! "Bungy"!! That’s it!! Now I can complete this little quatrain that I was composing when you interrupted. Please understand, I must write when the muse takes me. Now what was your question? Oh yes, was I disappointed? Not really. I write poetry for the pure love of it. It’s just part of my nature. I will say that the $1500 stipend would have come in mighty handy right now with gas prices what they are. But with my stimulus payout, I should be O.K.
AC: What do you think the reason was for turning you down?
Sanders: Oh, I suppose it was a combination of things. My major submission was an epic poem entitled “The Great Albany Clear Cut of 2008”. It has forever been the role of poets to chronicle great historical events, great battles, catastrophes, and the like. So when the College chopped down that forest on San Pablo, I felt it was an important moment in Albany history, deserving of a full-blown, somewhat lengthy poetic treatment.
AC: I believe it was the University that did that.
Sanders: I know, I know. But the only rhyme I could think of for “university” was “perversity”, whereas I could rhyme “college” with “knowledge”. So that’s what I used. A little poetic license as it were. Heh, heh! Anyway, when they read the work 200 years from now, no one will ever know the difference. But I guess the Committee didn't go for it.
AC: You mean they turned you down on just that?
Sanders: Well, no, there were a couple of other things. See, there was a 300-word limit on references, and both of mine ran a little over. One was 301 words, and the other was 307 words. They were very strict about that, like at the Council meetings where they cut you off at three minutes sharp. They just wouldn't read them and tossed them both out.
AC: That seems pretty chintzy. Were the recommendations favorable?
Sanders: Oh yes, very favorable. They were from a couple of former girlfriends (don’t worry, Sandra knows all about it) and the reports were very glowing. And the girls said my poetry wasn’t too bad either.
AC: What a shame! So that’s what did you in?
Sanders: Well, there was one other thing. The cruelest cut of all! They called my other poem “doggerel”. That's like poetry you hear in bar rooms. You know I am basically an iambic pentameter man, and can knock out four or five sonnets a day when I’m on a roll. But I do think an occasional limerick is a bit of fun, and I thought the committee might enjoy one. So that is what I submitted.
AC: Would you consider sharing it with us?
Sanders: Of course. I’m not the least bit ashamed of it. It goes like this:
There once was a Burrowing Owl
Whose mood was exceedingly foul
(Said he)
They have planned me a home
Where there’s no sandy loam
And expect me to dig with a trowel!
AC: Excellent. And thank you for sharing
Sanders: I have another one about a reporter. Would you like to hear it?
AC: No thank you.
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