Well, she’s Sandra P. Landers, noted biologist and flower person. And what she’s doing is examining the flora to be found in the (City-sponsored?) planters along Solano Avenue in Albany. Our roving AlbanyCentral reporter ran across her there and asked her a few questions.
AC: Hello Sandra. What are you finding?
Sandra: Not a whole lot, really--but I must say that my investigation has turned up at least one significant and alarming fact.
AC: Oh? Tell us all about it.
Sandra: You see these plants right here? They are known as Vidicus Comminelium.
AC: Sandra, you have to excuse me, but my Latin isn’t what it used to be. About all I remember is what Julius Caeser said when he arrived in Gaul. "Veni, Vidi, Vici". "I came, I saw, I conquered."
Sandra: Oh yes! But did you ever hear what he said after he met Cleopatra? Pretty much the same thing, only he switched it around a little to "Vidi, Vici, Veni".
AC: I’m not sure I follow, but anyway, what does vidicus comminelium mean in plain English?
Sandra: Well, a loose translation would be “common weeds”.
AC: But I don’t see much alarming about common weeds and spotty maintenance along Solano Avenue. We've really grown quite used to it.
Sandra: Ah, but here's the thing: We've never seen this particular strain of common weed so far north before. It’s been known in San Jose and Milpitas for years, but never in Albany. I predict that if global warming is not stopped soon, by 2050 we’ll be finding it in Fairfield and Suisun City. Now wouldn't you agree thats pretty alarming?
AC: Wow! That is something! Just one more good reason to press forward as fast as we can with our green programs! And thanks so much for sharing with us, Sandra.
Sandra: Oh, call me Sandy. Everyone else does.
As reported earlier in AlbanyCentral, the signs at Albany Middle School had lost most of their letters, and looked somewhat, shall we say, tacky. And they’d been in that condition for a long time. School officials explained the phenomenon this way: “Our committed teaching staff has imbued the students with such a deep love of all things literary that they cannot resist letters in any form. So in this sense, the ‘lifting’ of letters off the signs can viewed as positive. The students surely take them home to treasure them.” But certain older and more conservative members of the staff and school board apparently viewed the deflowered signs as a problem.
In any event, a brainstorming session was held. Some said that doing anything with the signs could have a chilling effect on the students’ literary fervor, thereby damaging their development into articulate adult persons. But others said that (in their experience as parents), the brains of the kids actually depart at around 12 years of age, and don’t return until 19 or 20, so the kids wouldn’t really be damaged much at all. Also, they said that with cell phones, the kids are plenty articulate already.
The debate rocked back and forth without resolution —until a suggestion by a member of Sierra Club finally broke the deadlock. (This individual is highly respected for his outdoors person credentials. He holds the record for winter ascents of Albany Hill, and has logged over 1000 hours watching mountaineering programs on PBS.) His point was this:
“In 1924 the famous climber, George Mallory, was asked why he was trying to climb Mount Everest. His response: ‘Because it’s there!’ And that is precisely why the kids are taking the letters—because they are there. On the other hand, many people enjoy hiking the Grand Canyon, for the very reason that it is not there! You should apply the same logic to the signs. Give the kids letter images that convey the meaning they love, but aren’t actually there to be taken!"
And so the log-jam was broken and new, beautiful engraved signs were made and erected—and without another bond issue, either. Was it partly AlbanyCentral’s dogged investigative reporting that finally solved this problem? We only ask the questions. The answers are up to you.