Well, the election caper is about over, and by this time next week we should have the answers. What we say now isn't going to change much, but nevertheless, we feel obligated to make one or two points in response to the CAS flyer left on your doorsteps yesterday. First of all, let me say that there was some confusion amongst our editorial board members because they had always associated the name CAS with Cass Elliot, that golden-voiced singer with the Mamas And the Papas. But a second reading clearly indicated that this flyer did not come from her, and they spelled her name wrong too, and it turns out she went to her heavenly reward years ago anyway. But enough of this. Let's move right into our critique:
Point #1 The inference that Karl Rove and the Republican party are actually supporting Robert Lieber by coming out against him and thereby infuriating, motivating, and solidifying his base, is surely a bit of a stretch. Now that Karl's (no, we are not on a first-name basis with him!) political career is in shambles, rumor has it that he is currently attending a technical school in Dallas and plans to launch a new career as a website designer. So we don't think he'll be endorsing anybody.
Point #2 If the grapes are sour, you have picked them too soon. Just let them ripen some in the bowl and they should sweeten up for you.
Point #3 Folks who oppose SC and Demo Party candidates (described in the flyer as "Caruso Mall supporters") do, in fact, have a strong sense of ethics and fair play in regard to their political conduct. Their whisper campaigns and smear tactics are taken directly from Nicolo Machiavelli's "The Prince" (available to all sides at the Albany library) and are historically based, of the finest quality, and executed to the highest professionsl standards. In chapter VIII Nicolo also offers some good advice to CAS: "Lighten up, guys! Don't be so sensitive! Personal attacks are just rough-and-tumble politics, and should not be taken personally". Note also that "Mall" folks only utilize 'realpolitik' that has been perfected and thoroughly tested by the Sierra Club itself.
Point #4 We agree that the level of public discourse has hit new lows recently and in the spirit of giving credit where credit is due, we congratulate the writers of the above flyer for moving the level of discussion back to the old lows of the 2006 campaign.
Point #5 How you get an endorsement from the Sierra Club is that they present you with a paper with twenty goals, or maybe objectives, or possibly conspiracies, and ask you to sign an affidavit at the bottom saying you pledge to support 100% of them. If you sign, you're in like Flynn for an endorsement. (Errol Flynn was a noted philanderer, hence that expression) If you can only, in good conscience, support 90 % of them, then you don't get endorsed. If you sign up for all of them and later renege, you lose your privileges to go to the Ashkenaz and dance to the music of the Funky Nixons.
Point #6 Caruso still lurks in the shadows!! When he's finished with his seven other multimillion dollar projects in Southern California, we predict he will return to Albany---this time to the Bulb where (motivated by a newfound sense of social justice) he plans to develop a homeless theme park. School children can then take field trips to the park and learn how the other half (or maybe it's only 1/4 or possibly even 1/8) live. Remember, you read it here first!
Point #7 There is little excuse for the garish look of the Lieber and Panian yard signs. We have several highly qualified color consultants in this town (one very dear to our hearts) who could have suggested more pleasing color schemes. Of interest, however, is a remark (overheard) by a CAS staffer to the effect that this was actually an intentional anti-theft tactic. "We didn't think anyone would steal a sign that looked like that."
Well, that's all we have to say. But we will leave you with this timeless tidbit of wisdom from one Edmund ("Fast Eddie") Burke, 18th century philosopher:
"All that is required for evil to prevail is for bad men to do something"
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